I like approval.
I want people to like me. When someone is angry with me and says unkind
things to me or about me, I am naturally defensive. Being a professor,
it is part of my job to tell students my evaluation of the work they have
done for projects in my classes. This is never easy. I like them and I
want them to feel happy about their creativity, to be encouraged to continue
to develop their skills. At the same time, I feel it is very helpful if
I tell them my most honest opinion of their participation in the class
in the mark I submit for them at the end of the course, a cumulative impression.
Of course there are things they might do to improve their work. They will
hear this from me if they request more detailed feedback.
I trust that their
own self-evaluation has served them well in this respect.
In order to reconcile the part of me that doesn't want to have anyone angry with me and the part of me that wants everyone to feel terrific I have to go to a neutral zone inside of me that is very still and at peace. My reading of the I Ching (Wilhelm translation) tells me that by finding the calm part of myself, true peace of mind will help me in understanding the great laws of the universe. I will be able to act in harmony with life, and at that deep level, make no mistakes.
When I am standing in wu ji (standing meditation) and my arms reach forward in the mountain palm pose, I sometimes find myself, for a brief moment, atop a high mountain. I am sitting on the outstretched limb of a tall evergreen, looking to a distant peak through a snowy owl's eyes. My keen ears hear nothing stir and a profound quiet pervades. I am totally in the moment, the here and now of where I must be. Likewise, when judging my students' work, I stay immediate. I enter their creative space and join them in seeking an understanding of their accomplishments and potential.